Kris and I had just finished our workout the day after Thanksgiving when she asked, "What are you thankful for this year?" My list includes some really big things. Her question got me to thinking about today's blog-- 'The Most Unanswered Question'. (Hint for the day: When people are consumed with unanswered questions being thankful is nearly impossible).
The most common unanswered question I know is, "Why?" The question, "Why?" does not come from a minor disappointment. This question usually comes when a person knows they were right, the other person was wrong. The innocent party is left empty-handed or broken- hearted. THESE experiences often leave a person with life's most common unanswered question: "Why?" I have long thought the question, "Why", is a meaningless question. I do not think the word "why" is in God's lexical dictionary. In the majority of instances, the answer to 'why?' seldom offers any significant change to the situation. (As an aside, Kris and I disagree on the value of the question, "Why?" She thinks answers or explanations can be of significant value as an aide toward healing. This difference of opinion may just be a male/female thing). I personally believe the relentless bantering of "why,why, why?" is a mechanism a person uses to regain control in a distasteful experience that has gotten to be out of control. I have counseled disappointed people to not ask "Why?" but instead ask, "What am I to learn from this?"
Kris is just finishing up a book right now (she is always in the midst of three or four that are stacked on her night stand) called, Breaking Free. The author offers some ideas that may be helpful for you in "breaking free" from a hurtful past that has left you asking, "Why?" The author, followering her own brush with past disappoinments and emotional meltdown penned these statements (I call this "reframing" or reinterpreting). Instead of living in a victim role and being ruled by the demon of "why?" be a victor and exchange your quesitons for beliefs. Here we go. Whatever your situation was or currently is could it be that....
1. God knew you would have to seek Him diligently for healing and in your search for healing you would meet The Healer.
2. God knew that because of your healing you would know the power of His resurrection and become a partner in His suffering.
3. God knew that out of your situation you would come to be compassionate with those that have pain similiar to yours.
4. God knew that out of your "victimization" you would become a victor that would champion His cause rather than live a defeated life and whine about your past.
5. God wants you to learn that it is possible to "reframe" the most hurtful of situations and learn that good can come out of bad.
My last word today is God's word,
"Your enemies will cower before you and,
you will trample down their high places." (Deuteronomy 33. 29)
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Dr. Effler,
Thank you for this post. I have had many experiences that cause me to ask this unaswerable question. For me, the "Why," if it can be answered, has been, as Kristen sees it, a turning point towards healing. But I have one very significant expereince in my past that I now see as a changing point in my life. It changed me as a person, who I am, how I am, what I am was changed. I still do not know "why" this happened to me. I desperatly wanted to know right after it happened. I tried, in vain, to contact the persons that had committed this betrayal to my heart to no avail. "Why" becasme unanswerable for me. I am very inquisitive, very curious. I must know the reason behind something before I agree,or act on anything in my life. Becasue of this personality trait I have found myself still asking, searching for the answer to "why" this happened to me 11 years later. I have healed. I have met the Healer. I have learned from this, and sometimes thank these people for what they did to me. But sometimes, very rarely now... I still want to know "why." Thank you for your words or wisdom. :)
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