VICTIM THINKING

[vik-tim] noun. A way of thinking found in people who suffer from a destructive or injurious action; a wound resulting from deception that is rooted in false emotions or ignorance or misplaced confidence.

There will come a time when an expectation you had will not be met or worse yet, you get taken advantage of by someone you thought you could trust. When life does not go your way it is easy to fall into what is called, ‘victim thinking’. You can tell if you have a victim mentality by listening to yourself carefully. DO YOU: Blame others for what is happening around you rather than take personal responsibility?; Is it hard for you to be grateful for what happiness you do have?; Relive the past by telling your disappointments to others (i.e., ‘That reminds when…)?; Think the world is against you and you have little to no power?; Have black and white or ‘My way-or the highway’ thinking?; Have a difficult time seeing another person’s perspective?; Live with hopelessness or, look for problems even when there are none? If any of these questions are all too familiar to you, you will fall into self pity (a cousin to victim thinking). John Gardner writes, “Self-pity is easily the most destructive of the non pharmaceutical narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the victim from reality.”

The choice to move out of a victim orientation (and this is a choice!) might be one of life’s biggest challenges. One way I have moved through victimized thinking is to realize that the past is the past—period. There is nothing I can do about a past negative situation but I can change my present response to the situation. Albert Einstein reportedly said, “The world we have created is a product of our thinking; we cannot change our world without changing our thinking.” When I have changed, re-framed or reinterpreted my past I no longer am plagued with ‘what if’ or, ‘if only’ toxic thinking. If I continue with negative thinking about my past I give away my creative power to change my present and my future. If I somehow think my future happiness is dependent on getting even or seeing some kind of payback then again, I have given away my power. You can move beyond victim thinking by asking yourself: Will this matter five years from now? Am I taking this too personally? Am I seeing this clearly? What is something constructive I can do right now? Am I more concerned with my future or living in my past? What excuse or reason am I holding onto to NOT move on with my life?

Final words, hard words: life is not all about you and, life can be unfair. Make the choice TODAY, move on—you might be very surprised at what is behind your door of happiness….