Some of you commented on the last post where I said, "facts create feelings"(a person does NOT like a negative fact about themselves because negative facts about ourselves create negative internal feelings; people are then forced consciously or subconsciously, to rewrite the facts in their minds so negative feelings can be avoided). The following is more to this story.
One common response by people when hearing a negative report (about themselves) is to shift the blame, reason or responsibility for the situation onto someone else. (There are certainly countless other responses). No one wants to hear negative things about themselves but reality is reality. One reality in my life is that NO significant life or behavioral change that I had to make was ever my idea. Life changing decisions I have made came by way of someone saying to me, "Bill, you may not want to hear this but..." When it comes to hearing reality about ourselves the image of a lighthouse might be helpful. A lighthouse (a friend who brings you truth) provides ships (you) with a warning of oncoming peril and, a sure direction to safety. The lighthouse never moves off its foundation and out into the water to warn the oncoming ship. The lighthouse, rooted and founded (on 'The Rock of Truth') sends out a message of peril and direction--it is the responsibility of the oncoming ship to either go its own way (to destruction) or, change course.
When hearing negative things about ourselves it is easy to fall into the 'victim role' (poor, poor me; best known as, whining). Caught up in this emotional state people commonly feel powerless, misunderstood or attacked. People would do well to remember what Eleanor Roosevelt once said, 'No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.' When I have needed to receive a healthy dose of reality I have been encouraged by Reinhold Niebuhr's Serenity Prayer that reads, "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."
Bottom line: Resist the blame game and follow Niebuhr's prayer.
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