Moment of Truth

I have wondered for some time why people, even when confronted with the truth, continue to do things they know are flat out life or relationship or job threatening. When I have been the one to bring the truth about unhealthy behavior or poor choices to a person the bad news has never been new news to the person. For those of you who avoid conflict hear this, the needful truth you bring to someone living unhealthily has either already been heard before or, the person knows that what they are doing is wrong. People who selfishly live life and recklessly roll the dice with others lives need to remember, there is no right way of doing a wrong thing.

This morning I got new understanding to this emotional and relational and spiritually suicidal behavior. First, no one likes to be corrected or disciplined. Period. Being told, 'what you are doing is wrong' ain't fun. (And we all want fun!!). Second, most of us have at least one blind side in our thinking or behavior that we have no idea exists. Someone has said, 'you do not know what you do not know'. Third, there seems to be an unspoken belief system in many people today that says, "I am above the rules" (Bernie Madoff, lest I say more ..ugh!!). This 'above the rules' mentality is voiced with two common sayings: 1) no one will ever know and, 2) no one is getting hurt by this. These three observations are key to unlocking chronic negatived behavior: attitude towards correction, personal self-awareness and arrogance.

So, here is my understanding of why anyone continues to do what they KNOW they should not do. You might want to think about something in your life right now that you think might be wrong.... First, someone brings THE truth along with substantiating facts to you about something that you should not be doing. Here is a key principle, facts create feelings. Jesus taught, "You shall know the truth and the truth will set you free." What Jesus did not say (but I will) is that when anyone of us first hears the ugly truth about ourselves it makes us angry before it sets us free. A dead giveaway that the truth dispenser has hit a nerve with the truth receiver is that the truth receiver often emotionally overreacts, denies, rationally explains (spin) their behavior in great detail or artfully changes the subject. Second, in 'the moment of truth' (confrontation) a person must decide if they are going to change or continue with the "same ol, same ol". Knowing that facts create feelings, the unhealthy person (who does not like the truth) will recreate or reframe the truth in their own mind so that they restore good feelings (which is all about them). Therefore, it is easy for unhealthy people stay in unhealthy behavior because unhealthy people reframe or rewrite their perception of the truth so they can have life, their way. With a changed and faulty perception of reality in place, it is very easy to reengage unhealthy behavior....and the cycle repeats and repeats until there are greater losses that no one can imagine.