Disappontment with Friends

Recently I was disappointed by a person who I thought I knew fairly well. Acting independently, this person told others of a decision they had made, not taking into account that their independent decision could affect the lives of several dozen people close to them (including me). Upon hearing about this decision I did not act like an invincible super-hero action figure (complete with bobble head). I ranted to Kris but for not as long a time as in my earlier years. I want to offer below some ideas that may be helpful to you when you get disappointed by a trusted friend.

First, when you get hurt by someone you trust do everything possible to avoid falling into the victim role. Victims are often quite sincere about how they see their situation but they are often sincerely wrong. Don't forget, on first hearing, a victim's story can sound quite convincing (only to find out later they are filled with deep fried okra). Additionally, experienced victims tend to feed on a steady diet of self loathing, defeatist thinking, run-a-way negative emotions and isolate from healthy sources of help. The victim role can initially pay great dividends (victims love the attention they get from others and, they do not have to do a thing!). Bottom line on victim oriented living: when disappointed by a friend resist defaulting into the victim role. Second, move beyond disappointment from friends by taking action and personal responsibility for your life (don’t just whine about the event or the person). Know you do have choices and options--they are there! I found that when I took action (and it was a small action) for my situation my hope began to get restored. Granted, when someone has been blindsided, betrayed or deeply disappointed it is hard to get up and dust oneself off. But I am telling you-- take action in your distasteful situation and you will gain a sense of empowerment. A renewed feeling of empowerment will replace previously recorded self pity and personal devaluation tapes but only after.....you take action.

Two other ideas on overcoming disappointment. Jesus once said,‘...why do you look at the speck in your friend’s eye and do not see the log in your own eye…’

My spin on Jesus' words is that when a friend disappoints you you must take a closer look at your life before becoming an expert on someone else’s life. Disappointment, whether on the part of the innocent or the guilty party involves unexplored expectations. The innocent party never thought they would get hurt by the guilty party and the violator never thought their actions would bring pain to their friend. The other idea I offer is from the Apostle Paul, ‘…I do not see through the glass clearly just yet, but someday I will…’ My application of this thought as it relates to any disappointment is that we never see the whole picture or situation, clearly. When caught up in the pain of disappointment it is very hard to slow down, ask for help and, put our emotions on hold. Instead, we speed up, act out and spew our venom on anyone who will listen.

Final comment, the picture attached with this posting is of Cape Disappointment. Cape Disappointment is the oldest functioning lighthouse on the west coast. This lighthouse was erected in the late 1800's to warn sailors of the hideous fog, tremendous undertow and unseen rocks that were the cause of countless sea wrecks and fatalities. See a connection? We all need the light of a Lighthouse that will steer us clear of emotional and relational fatalities. No one can navigate deep disappointment alone. We all need help. We all need light. I know I got help this week and I hope this posting has been a light to you.